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Warded to the Order of the Phoenix
Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I've made many fascinating discoveries this week at Diagon Alley.
Rastrick's Theatre, though open to the public, has some very stroppy thespians and if you sit in the audience looking bored, those practising the eighth act of Hélas, Je me suis Transfiguré Les Pieds will break the fourth wall to deliver their lines to you as if that will somehow make you appreciate the terrible acting even more. I have also discovered that if one were of the persuasion to loudly question the accuracy of heavily cockneyed French accents, one might be chased from the premises by heavily powdered twenty year old girls in poorly constructed wigs. Said wigs may or may not be flammable, I have no comment on the matter.
On the other hand, Scroff's Secondhand Robes is very welcoming. Entirely too welcoming, in fact, and the proprietor has some vision problems that he refuses to address and may confuse you with a regular despite your exceptionally well-tailored robes. Very unlikely to be a death eater hangout as the saccharine atmosphere would undoubtedly make those inclined towards evil sick to their stomachs. Even the good and wholesome may find themselves rather ill with the compliments, and as someone who falls somewhere on that spectrum, I was required to seek out a second lunch after my reconnaissance work.
Thus I found myself at Cribbin and Crumb's, which, after exhaustive sleuthing, I'm pleased to announce has free samples of Bartleby's Never-Stale Biscuits. I do not recommend haggling for new knives, however, as they seem to take offence at the idea that their prices are not the most affordable on the market. If anyone has a coupon for exceptionally cheap cutlery from another shop, they promised to knock down their prices and I'd like to have it.
As I find telescopes to be very suspicious devices, my rounds took me to Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment next, and that place is boring as fuck, so I propose that if we dislike anyone we find a way to trap them in there. Hunger significantly piqued by the effort required to keep myself from falling into a coma, I decided to assault my pocketbook and take a look at Le Secret de la Licorne, since 'discerning Wizard and Witch' means uppity purist to me and where best to find lunching ambassadors of evil. Someone else will have to check this place out, because I couldn't read the menu, and the noise of people complaining about being seated on the veranda was too much for my delicate sensibilities.
By this point I had a terrible headache and thought I might find relief at Mr. Mulpepper's Apothecary. And I did.
Have a nice day.
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